Wisdom Blog Posts
by Stephen Lau
Wisdom in Living
Avoiding a Late Divorce
The rate of divorce is skyrocketing in the United States, and the U.S. Census estimates about half of marriages end in divorce. According to relationship experts, the number of long-term relationships heading towards separation is becoming more frequent with a longer life span and a growing acceptability of divorce.
What some experts are saying is that people divorce because they have a longer lifespan, and that divorce is no longer a social taboo.
The bottom line is that marriage is not a dress that you throw away when it no longer fits you. If you find that your body has outgrown the dress, you can slim down so that you can fit into the dress again, or you can have it altered so that it can fit into you. In other words, life is about changes, and so is marriage. You just have to adapt yourself to these changes, and that makes it challenging and interesting. You don’t just walk away from a marriage because you don’t like it anymore. A marriage is a lifetime commitment for thick and thin, for better and for worse.
"Staying in exactly the right relationship to one another is a very hard thing to maintain every decade," said Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington. "People think you only get closer over time, but that's not necessarily true."
The breakups of couples married for several decades are "cold divorces," characterized by disengagement, distance and isolation. These kinds of divorces are the products of a gradual buildup. The problems may have festered to the point where no one cares.
Marriage counselors say there are benchmarks in a typical marriage where divorce is more apt to occur.
First, divorces often happen during the initial two years of marriage when the expected honeymoon period is replaced with the reality of getting accustomed to each other's attitudes and living habits. A second point for divorce is around the five to seven year mark, where children are typically born.
And divorce can also happen when the kids leave home. Some empty nesters divorce because they no longer have their children holding them together.
One of the best ways to renew marital affection and interest is to face new challenges together, especially in the golden years when there are many new issues in life. Coping with these problems may renew their cooling and dwindling marital love.
Your Golden Years and Santa Claus: This 252-page book has everything you need to know about physical frailty, vision impairment, breathing problems, memory loss, as well as health, money, death, and bereavement issues. This is a comprehensive book on the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of the wisdom in successful aging in the golden years. It provides you with a wealth of information on the art of living well, instead of stereotyping yourself as old and decrepit.
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
The Dark Side of Life
Life is always imperfect, and living is forever a bed of roses with some thorns, if not too many. We are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. As such, the art of living involves the wisdom of knowing who you really are, and how things happen and work in your life. Without this profound understanding, you will forever be haunted by the awareness of the darker side of life.
The Bible calls the darker side of human nature “sin.” None of us is exempt from sin. Life is always an inner struggle between what is perceived in an individual’s moral system as “right” and the dark opposing force inside to do just the opposite. To make matters worse, most of us are really quite good at self-deception. Either we deceive ourselves into thinking that the dark opposing force does not exist in ourselves, or we simply inflate our own personal virtues to overshadow the dark force within us.
Robert Louis Stevenson, the famous Scottish novelist, calls this darker side of human nature the duality of man. In his famous story of “The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” he presents Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as both having a dark side within them, where evil is lurking to surface anytime. Both of them hide their evil away, pretending it never exists. In the end, it turns out that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are actually one and the same person.
If the darker of life is deemed as something “evil” as depicted by Robert Louis Stevenson, it may immediately lead to self-denial and downright rejection. The darker side is ideally described as a “not-so-good” quality, or just human flaws and weaknesses that we see in others as well as in ourselves. Whatever the definition may be, the darker of life, ironically enough, makes life wholesome, without which life is incomplete and unreal—at best, a self-delusion. Human darkness is part and parcel of human existence. Denying its existence only leads to more pain, regret, and resignation. But understanding the dualistic human nature offers a way to return to wholeness, which is an important ingredient in the art of living well.
The above is taken from my book: The Book of Life and Living.
Also, find out more about the essentials of Tao wisdom.
Tao wisdom is the essence in the art of living well. It is the profound wisdom of the ancient Chinese sage, Lao Tzu, the author of the immortal classic Tao Te Ching, one of the most translated works in world literature. The book has been popular for thousands of years due to its wisdom, which is simple but controversial, profound and yet intriguing. To fully understand it, you need to get all the essentials of Tao wisdom.
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
Tao Wisdom for Stress Relief
We are living in a world of stress, especially in this world of technology, which has created a compulsive mind that brings in all the stress factors.
There are many factors that may directly or indirectly cause stress in everyday human existence, and they are as follows:
Anger, bitterness, disappointment, and envy are some of the human emotions that often lead to anxiety, distress, and even depression.
Environmental and Eventful Factors
A dangerous environment, such as walking alone in the dark or in an unsafe neighborhood, can be stressful.
A work environment with racial discrimination or sexual harassment can be stressful too. According to the American Institute of Stress, up to one million employees’ absence per day are stress related. In addition, work environment may create stress due to feeling unproductive, inability to concentrate on work, unrealistic and unreasonable demands from employers or co-workers.
Stressful life events may also lead to elevated stress levels. Special life events-whether they are positive or negative-can be stressful, such as getting married or planning a wedding, graduation, starting a new job, buying a home, or even going on a vacation.
Finance is one of the main stress factors in contemporary life and living due to rampant unemployment, not having enough money to make both ends meet, debt from credit cards or reckless over-spending, bankruptcy, and home foreclosure, among other financial problems.
The American Academy of Family Physicians once estimated that two-thirds of all family doctor visits are stress related.
Health problems can be triggered by alcohol, sugar, and tobacco addiction. Chronic health problems, such as autoimmune diseases, cancers and heart-related health issues, are particularly stressful after diagnoses and during treatments..
Relationships are often a source of emotional and psychological problems, such as break-up in a love relationship, separation and divorce, dealing with teenager problems, and coping with aging parents.
William Shakespeare once said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” John Milton, the famous English poet, also had this to say: “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.” Both spoke volumes of the perceptions of stress.
The bottom line: stress comes from your mind, or, more specifically, your ego-self. Therefore, no ego, no stress!
NO EGO NO STRESS is a 134-page book by Stephen Lau on ancient human wisdom for stress relief. Specifically, it is about Tao wisdom, which originates from the ancient Chinese sage Lao Tzu, the author of “Tao Te Ching”-one of the most translated works in world literature. “Tao Te Ching” is popular due to its profound and unconventional wisdom, which is both intriguing and controversial. Learn how to let go of the ego-self to remove all the stressors in modern living due to finance, careers, relationships, etc. and live as if everything is a miracle.
Understanding TAO wisdom may open the doorway to letting go of the ego to let go of stress.
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
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